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Santa's Christmas Jokes Page
Fair Photos | Fair Videos | Santa's Postbox | Santa's Fun | Santa's Jokes
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Full of festive cheer? Then send me your favourite Christmas joke, whether it's a cracker or a bit of a turkey, if it makes me laugh till my belly shakes like a bowl of fruit jelly I'll put it on the website. If you submit the Christmas joke of week then you're in for a treat - how about winning a kilo (yes, a KILO!) of pick 'n' mix from Cutters in Crown road.
Terms and conditions apply. Pink shrimps excluded. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer or chocolate-coated peanut. The editor's decision is Haribo fried eggs. Employees of Cutters and chocolate-flavoured pink pigs may not enter. Always read the gummy cola bottle label.
Please send your joke, name, age and location to
traders@stmgrts.org.uk
and don't fudge it.
He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assures him that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows him several patterns, but Santa seems to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asks what size curtains he needs.
Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"
Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"
Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
A. New claus!
A. Santa Pause.
A. No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
A. Sandy Claws!
A. Cos he had low elf esteem.
A. "Jungle bells, jungle bells..."
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
A. Santa walking backwards.
A. No you can have turkey like everyone else!
A. Mrs Claus told him it had already been red.
A. Can you smell carrot?
A. Stacks.
A. He felt his presents.
A. Because it soots him!
A. His north pole!
A. North Polish!
A. Water!
A. Crispy Kringle.