Santa's Joke Competition - CLOSED


Winner picked was:

Sophie Todd

from Nelson, New Zealand!

Sophie’s winning joke was:

Q. How many chimneys does Santa go down at Christmas?.

A. Stacks!

Congratulations to Sophie and thank you to everyone who entered this fun Christmas competition. We’re waiting to hear from Sophie as to how we wil get her winning prize to her….

Other entrants

Contest Entries

Santa enters a store that sells curtains.

He tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

The salesman assures him that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows him several patterns, but Santa seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asks what size curtains he needs.

Santa replies, “Fifteen inches.”

“Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?”

Santa tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But, sir, computers do not have curtains!”

Santa says, “Hellllooooooooo……..I’ve got Windows!”

Calum, St Margarets, Age: 18

Q. What does Santa Claus’ cat want for Christmas?
A. New claus!

Megan, St Margarets, Age: 14

Q. What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
A. Santa Pause.

Mark Adams, St Margarets, Age: 39

Q. How do you know Santa has to be a man?
A. No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.

Miriam, San Francisco, USA, Age: 21

Q. What do you call a cat on a beach at Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws!

Philip Brocklehurst, St Margarets, Age: “None of your business” (Ed: without an age we reserve the right to make one up.) 83 years old.

Q. Why did Santa’s little helper get depressed?
A. Cos he had low elf esteem.

B Protheroe, Covent Garden, Age: (Twenty) Nine years old

Q. What do the monkeys sing at Christmas?
A. “Jungle bells, jungle bells…”

B Protheroe, Covent Garden, Age:(Twenty) Nine years old

Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel reception lobby?
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Anita, St Margarets

Q. What goes “oh, oh, oh??
A. Santa walking backwards.

Kim Harper, St Margarets, Age 9

Q. Mum, can I have a dog for Christmas?
A. No you can have turkey like everyone else!

Carlota Berruezo - Happy Christmas everyone!!!, Wandsworth Town, Age 28

Q. Why did Santa take his suit back to the library?
A. Mrs Claus told him it had already been red.

Felicity’s brother, John Waters, Melbourne, Australia, Age 44

Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A. Can you smell carrot?

Emma Jacobs, Richmond, Age 7

Q. How many chimneys does Santa go down at Christmas?
A. Stacks.

Sophie Todd, St Margarets Road, St Margarets, Age 9

Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas?
A. He felt his presents.

Tim Goddard, St Margarets, Age 13

Q. Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
A. Because it soots him!

Jayne Tant, St Margarets, Age 41

Q. What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
A. His north pole!

Bobbie Baker, Twickenham

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish!

Ceril Parish, Richmond, Age 33

Q. What do you call an old snowman?
A. Water!

Philip Harries, Crown Road, St Margarets, (not revealing age!)

Q. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
A. Crispy Kringle.

Craig Smith, St Margarets, Age 5.5


Send Santa your favourite Christmas joke, whether it’s a cracker or a bit of a turkey, if it makes him laugh till his belly shakes like a bowl of fruit jelly We’ll put it on the website.

If you submit the Christmas joke of week then you’re in for a treat - how about winning a kilo (yes, a KILO!) of pick ‘n’ mix from Cutters in Crown road?

Terms and conditions apply. Pink shrimps excluded. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer or chocolate-coated peanut. The editor’s decision is Haribo fried eggs. Employees of Cutters and chocolate-flavoured pink pigs may not enter.

Always read the gummy cola bottle label.

Please send your joke, name, age and location to:

…and don’t fudge it!